I've never really put anything too spiritual on my blog before. I'm extremely comfortable talking about what I believe with people who have similar beliefs to me, and do so all the time. I'm not as comfortable talking about my religious beliefs with people who see life really different than me, or who may practice different religions. I think it's because I fear being misunderstood. If someone asks me questions about what I believe, I'm more than happy to share what I think is true and why. It's harder for me to just start conversations about it though, when I'm not sure how someone may react to it.
Although I was born into a family (both Mom and Dad) who are active members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and was taught the principles of Christ's gospel since I can remember, I have definitely had some defining moments in my life when my testimony of the gospel, scriptures, the Savior, His atonement, and more has been tested, and my testimony, or beliefs, in these things strengthened in an undeniable way. Thus I really feel like I practice what I believe not just because "I was raised that way" but because I really believe there is truth and happiness in doing so.
Recently, I was reading something and the thought came to me that I should write a journal entry about why I believe the Book of Mormon is true scripture. Instead of writing in my journal, that no one will see until I'm dead, I decided to write it here.
We read the scriptures (Bible-King James Version, and Book of Mormon) regularly as a family when I was a child. I loved hearing the stories in them and hearing about the miracles Jesus performed. These experiences with the scriptures definitely influenced my desire and curiousity to read them on my own later. It also helped to develop the habit of doing so at a young age. But a more personal testimony of the Book of Mormon, in particular, came later.
(*Note- the experiences listed here are not the only scripture-testimony-building experiences I've had, but were stronger ones that still resonate within me when I think back to them).
Experience with scriptures #1:
One of my first memories of feeling the power of the scriptures was during the Gulf War. I was twelve. Mom, Dad, and I were living in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia when the war started and were in Riyadh the night of the first scud attack. We weren't prepared that first night. I awoke to a "BOOM" and felt the windows and house shake. I jumped up in bed and ran to my parents room. They were up and gathering water, radio, and other supplies. We went from room to room trying to find a safe place to wait the night out. Sirens blared through the city. My heart raced and I feared the worst- my parents dying, and me being stuck in a country at war alone...far away from other family in the USA. I couldn't stop shaking. We made it through the night safe. Sunlight came and with it calm and peace filled me again.
But the next night I started to feel anxious as sunset approached and the thought of our city being bombed again was a good possibility. My parents took action. They made a "bomb shelter" room in the storage space under our stairs. They had water, food, radio supplies already in there as well as a "bed" for me. We acquired gas masks from some friends and practiced putting them on. (There was a chemical bomb threat). Before I went to bed that night, they read a scripture to me. "...If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear." (Doctrine and Covenants 38:30) I knew we were as prepared as we could be. I still asked my mom, "But what if we get bombed again?" She replied, "Just tell yourself 'Jesus loves me, God loves me, and I'm going to be okay." The scripture coupled with my mom's advice calmed me and I went to sleep.
Sure enough, several hours later, I awoke to a "BOOM" and windows rattling. But this time I had a completely different experience. I knew right where to go. Under the stairs. We put on our gas masks with ease. I layed down. I looked at my parents and all our supplies. We were prepared. A school was hit with in a mile of where I lived. (At night, so no one was hurt). But I repeated in my head what my mom had suggested earlier, "Jesus loves us, God loves us, and we're going to be okay..." saying it over and over. I felt completely calm in a city being bombed, and I soon fell asleep.
To me, the words in the scripture we read that night were as real as the bombs shaking the windows of my house. "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear." It was a principle from God and He meant for me to know it and be comforted by it that night.
Experience #2-
When I was 15, we still lived in Saudi Arabia. There was no upper high school though. I had to make a decision. Stay at home and be home-schooled in a foreign country. Go to the USA and live with relatives and attend a public school. Or attend an American Boarding School in Europe and receive a world-class education and cultural experience. I chose the last option.
Sounds exciting and adventurous, which it was. But I was 15 and the only member of the church I was raised in at the school I chose to attend. This was a key opportunity for me to decide what I was going to practice, what I was going to believe. There were no parents checking on me every night to see if I was behaving or doing those things they would have me do. I was on my own and given the freedom to choose, without any immediate consequences, should I chose to do something against their wishes.
I missed my family. I missed going to church. (I only went occasionally when I could find a ride). I missed Seminary (a youth scripture study program). I said my prayers every day, often several all through out the day. I felt the need for the Lord's protection and guidance as I was alone in a foreign place. I also decided to read the scriptures every night. I didn't always get something fantastic from doing it. It was pretty habitual and unspectactular for the most part. But I did it. Every night. I found it comforting. It helped me feel close to my Heavenly Father, and to my family far away. I knew that they were doing the same thing too wherever they were. It kept me rooted. I finished the Book of Mormon by the end of that summer. I was hooked. I liked the stories, I was uplifted by many passages. I knew that reading it had been good for me. Reading it kept me close to our Father in Heaven. I could feel a part of Him was in me- that I was His spirit daughter, and therefore divine. I believe knowing this, especially as a teenager, gave me a lot of confidence and security. It also helped me to look at my peers differently than I may have otherwise- as I was constantly reminded (when I read the Book of Mormon) that we are all children of God and should treat each other as such. I wasn't perfect at living this principle, but when I messed up I felt guilty about it pretty quick and was always anxious to resolve conflict in my relationships. (I'm still this way...and still learning.)
Experience #3:
Fast forward many years. I should say, as a side note, I continued to read the scriptures every day (for the most part), every year, year after year. I attended Seminary, scripture classes at BYU, and Institute (scripture classes for young adults) in California. Every class I took provided me many opportunites to learn from the books and to feel the Spirit of them- the Truth of them.
When I was in my early 20s I was going through a difficult time. I had a high stress job teaching teenagers with behavior and mental disabilities, and I was dating a guy who had different beliefs than I did. But I was fascinated by him, we were good friends, and had a lot of fun together. In this relationship, I was given the opportunity, I feel, to make a decision to continue on with the beliefs and practices I had held to up to the point in my life, or to chose a different path. It would have been so "easy" to let go of what I believed in in order to give in to what I wanted and loved at the time.
During this critical life-changing decision-making period of life, I never stopped reading the scriptures. In fact, I was determined to do what was right- I honestly wanted to live my life in a way that I felt God would approve of. I kept getting so confused though about what to do. My life felt like a roller-coaster. It was emotionally exhausting. Still, I was consistent in reading the Book of Mormon. I am convinced, that doing so kept me anchored to God. I felt comfort and hope in critical moments. I kept being reminded of what the gospel was, of the joy that living it can bring. I compared myself and my situations in life at the time to the people in the scriptures, and I often found practical ways to handle problems I was facing while I read. I really believe that although I toyed with the idea of letting go of everything I believed in, my desire to stay close to God confirmed to me that what I had been taught, and everything I had learned and believed in up to that point was actually true. I made a conscious decision that I wanted to commit. To live the gospel of Jesus Christ fully. To marry someone who had the same values and belief system so that we could raise our children in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
This has turned into a long blog. Some who started reading it, probably stopped awhile ago. Some of you may have kept reading it out of curiousity, or to just get to know this side of me a little better. If you have kept reading...thanks. I am grateful for the church I belong to. I am grateful for the scriptures- all of them (the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, the Pearl of Great Price, and the General Conference issues of the Ensign...containing modern revelations from the Lord's Prophet and Apostles). I am grateful for prayer and the knowledge that I don't have to believe what someone tells me, but that I can ask God myself and know if something is true or not.
So, if you've never read the Bible or the Book of Mormon, or maybe you have read parts of them but never all the way through, or maybe you've never bothered to ask God if what you're reading is actually true- then I invite you to do so. Let me know what happens.
I believe that if you read the scriptures consistently, and pray about what you're reading, God will let you know He is there, that He loves you, and that they really are His words, given through His prophets throughout time, to help us. The scriptures are a plan and guidelines for how to live, information about where we were before we were born, and what will happen after we die. There are stories and accounts of ancient peoples and civilizations that we are supposed to learn from.
Reading and asking has made all the difference in my life. It's in large part why I do what I do and why I am striving to be like the Savior. No matter how hard life has gotten at times- because of my beliefs, the scriptures, prayer, and living the principles of Jesus Christ's gospel- understanding, peace, and comfort has always come through the power of the Holy Ghost- to lift me up, make me stronger, and restore happiness to my life.
Thanks for listening (or reading), and if you do ever have questions about what I believe or why I believe it, don't hestitate to ask. I will try to be as honest as I can with you.
